Helping Others

“I can’t be everyone’s therapist” Ah yes, that’s definitely what someone reaching out to you for help is expecting. If you’ve struggled with your mental health and attempted to seek help, you’ve probably had some truly terrible set-backs. I know I have. I understand there were times when people were simply trying to help, and just had no clue what they were doing. I also understand that not everyone was made to be a counsellor. But if a friend is reaching out to you like that, you’re often being extremely selfish when you refuse. I wasn’t asking for a therapist. I was asking for people who claimed to care about me to show it. I was so afraid people would leave me because of my illness. And many did, forcing me to live my worst fear at a time I was already struggling. That’s not to say everyone who says no to helping is selfish. It’s to say many times people say no because they can’t be bothered to help.

For all his many faults, one of the kindest things that a friend ever did for me was, upon finding out about my ovarian cysts, doing a ton of research on ovarian cysts and treatment options and suggested things to me. I already knew my options, but it was still one of the most touching gestures I had ever experienced. It makes the time he tried to diagnose me with BPD… Almost ok. Almost. When my friends are struggling, they come first. The Christian life requires putting others first, and allowing others to take care of us. And most relationships will not work unless you follow that pattern. Being close friends with someone requires an effort that most people are far too selfish to give. It’s always about “me”. Your problems are an inconvenience to ME, never mind the fact that you already feel like an inconvenience to the entire world, I matter more than your well-being. Whether or not one worships the god of self is always apparent in their reaction to being asked for help. We must, as Christians, be willing to sacrifice for others to the point where the outside world views us as insane.

It IS okay to legitimately not be able to help someone. But you have to make sure it IS a legitimate inability. My best friend and I went thru a period where our mental health was at an all-time low. At first, she didn’t want to tell me because she knew I was struggling. Things went better when we worked together to heal. Consider this; if you’re both struggling, maybe God is giving you an opportunity for mutual-support in having this person ask for your help. Maybe you just aren’t capable at the moment, because of your own struggles. Maybe you absolutely suck at helping people. That’s still not an excuse to brush someone who trusts you off. First of all, you may be capable and not know it. My best friend is not good at comforting. But she loves me enough she learned how to at least do her best. You may really, truly be completely incapable. Instead of brushing them off, refer them to a pastor, counselling center, hotline, or some other trusted and capable person. You can still support someone without knowing what to do. It may be the way your friend comes to Christ if they are unsaved

When a friend comes to you in a time of need, this is more often than not one of the good works God prepared for us to do, mentioned in Ephesians 2:10. It is horrible and humbling to ask for help in a time like that. Be the reason they find some healing, not the reason they shut down. If you do decide to personally help, just being there is often the best help you can give. Reply to their texts, answer their calls, invite them to things even though you know they won’t be able to fully enjoy them. These are things people will never forget you did. They’ll also never forget if you abandoned them. Research ways to help, if you want. And as long as you aren’t just tooting your own horn, don’t be afraid to tell them you did that. It will be appreciated that you cared that much.